@TODAYshow you censored the Sports Illustrated cover, yet you are showing a risqué movie like Fifty Shades of Grey? seems a little weird… ( @Kim_Naughton )
Fifty Shades Of America What Is Porn
Fifty Shades Of America: What Is “Pornography?”
(source: BusinessInsider.com “hanna davis sports illustrated cover 2015”)
Today’s Question: What Is “Porn?” – Tomorrow’s Question: What Is A “Child?”
You think I’m kidding? You think that’s sick?! Frankly, if you don’t start asking yourself those two atom-splitting questions, you can expect great shock and awe coming to TV set near you. Because every high school teenage guy (sorry “male boy child”) knows that masturbating to the cover of Sports Illustrated has been the most popular indoor sport since Gutenberg invented the printing press. ( Yes – “wiki ‘Gutenberg Press'” )
SO…CONGRATULATIONS! to Kim Naughton – for she was quoted within the BusinessInsider.com “People Are Not Happy With The Racy Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover” article – where Kim succinctly states the wonderfully obvious question to anyone alive on this earth:
Oh, The Bells Are Ringing In The Cathedrals Of St. Peter!!! Thank You, Kim Naughton!!!
People of America. I have really bad news. Your Kids Already Know What Pornography Is. And some of them are recording it in the classroom. You need to talk to them – instead of boycotting life. Little “Hannah Montana” is all grown up now.
(source: Google Images “miley cyrus tongue tied”)
You CANNOT believe this, can you? This “GARBAGE” Makes THAT Previous “BEAVER SHOT”Look PRETTY GOOD, Doesn’t It?!
And, yes, the video has already been taken down. And I couldn’t figure out if it was artistic or not, but I assume if you’re really into bondage, you might give it a “double-thumbs-up-into-the-anus.”
(source: Google Images “britney spears intimate lingerie”)
Yes! Much Better. You remember adorable little Britney Spears? She grew up just like a lot of “male boy children” had hoped.
And just in time for Valentine’s Day! Now you too can dress just like your favorite “previously-adorable-yet-always-strangely-seductive” pop star! Hey, combine it with the Victoria’s Secret “50 Shades Of Grey” lingerie line to create the “Hit Me Baby! One More Time! Double Combo!!” ( only half of that sentence is true – just visit “CafeMom.com” )
Simply think of it as “bonding time” (not “bondage time!”) or rather as a delicate pause in your busy day to look forward to – where you can have a Venti latte, and buy something dainty at the mall – with your daughter – who happens to also be majoring in English Literature… You know, after the two of you go see “Fifty Shades Of Grey” together at the Saturday matinee (because your Sonofabitch ex-husband wouldn’t have gone to see it anyway!) and some of the guys on your daughter’s varsity track team are looking pretty buff – even if they are too young…or gay…maybe you can turn them straight? Like a vampire can “turn” a human… Whoops!! Am I getting “Twilight” mixed up with “Fifty Shades Of Grey,” again? How inappropriate!!
(source: Google Images “twilight sex scene”)
The point is, while the country of Malaysia may agree with alleged “right-wing, nut-jobs” like “Morality in Media,” there are still plenty of horny American adults that not only have a pulse, but are currently seeking vacations where they can let “Fifty Shades Of Grey” ‘strap-a-hold’ of their wildest fantasies! For Pete’s sake – even in Cambodia! American tourists will risk deportation just to get naked in the ruins of an ancient civilization! And if that doesn’t spark up the zombie marriage, your parents will just have to go on TV and prove once and for all “Who Is Really The Bigger Closet Porn Star?”
So What About “The Children?” Make Your Point, Buddy!
“It’s what makes the world go round and what keeps us in existence,” Taylor-Johnson says of sex. “The human race relies on us to keep having sex. It’s part of who we are.”
These are the words of Sam Taylor-Johnson, the director of “Fifty Shades Of Grey.” These were also likely similar your own same words when you were the same age as a “male boy child” looking at the same swimsuit magazines and masturbating up to four times a day – and doing anything to learn more about why in God’s name you cannot seem to unclasp a bra with just one hand.
Roger Daltry, lead singer of “The Who,” (a rock band from the 1970’s) probably wrote the lyrics, “I hope I die before I get old,” so that he would never have to witness the terribly stodgy state of having forgotten how sexually curious and daring he was a teenager – and how as crusty old adults we dust off the guillotine every chance any one of them acts on their God-given impulse and purpose as a human being.
Granted, me must respect The Way Sex Affects Our Brains. And we must keep our children safe – and educated. But we must figure out when something is a consensual sexual experiment vs. an actual “Sex Crime.” Because by today’s standards nearly everything is a sex crime and very little is recognized for what it really is… Have we all lost our sexual context? “Fifty Shades Of Grey” is a movie packed with Sex Crimes! The way Christian Grey talks to Anastasia Steele at his office: SEXUAL HARRASSMENT! Then the kiss in the elevator: LEWD CONDUCT & PUBLIC INDECENCY! Followed by deomonstrating his secret bondage fetish equipment: ATTEMPTED KIDNAPPING – TORTURE – FELONY AFTER FELONY! Christian Grey is facing at least 50 years for these vicious sex crimes! And women around the planet are titillated? Now that’s worth studying!
(source: Google Images “the new kendra sunderland”)
Last month, Kendra Sunderland was an anonymous college student. Today, she’s a famous masturbating webcam girl. Think: Is your daughter (sorry “female girl child”) just one click away from fame, too?
“Working a minimum wage job, there’s people that are just mean to you when they’re having a crappy day,” [Sunderland] said. “On MyFreeCams, (users) had nothing but nice things to say. And I made way more than I would working any other job.”
Paris Hilton had a sex tape. Kim Kardashian did too. And so did Pamela Anderson. And then came the internet sex clips. Carrie Prejean. Farrah Abraham. Sydney Leathers (I know…right?)
Some of these women are famous; some of them only for the fifteen minutes. But when Kendra Sunderland speaks to teenagers about how much money she can make masturbating for (and accepting money from) the very same demographic you are publicly persecuting – then Here’s Your Public News Flash!
You’re not going to be able to hide behind “To Catch A Predator” anymore if your daughter is the first one masturbating in the video.
Sorry about that. Two more parting thoughts…
- A video: “1st Great American Sex Scandal”
- An article: “Oregon Judge Decides Photos Up Girls Skirts Not Illegal”
Sports Illustrated Beaver Shots Are Just The Beginning, Folks. Brace Yourselves.
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