The Days Of The Mile High Club Sex Fantasy May Be Numbered

During your next arraignment, will the “TSA groped my client” defense hold up in court against your in-flight masturbation?

Question: Does flying make people horny?

I must’ve been in high school or college when I first heard of people getting busy in an aircraft lavatory. So the next time I was on a flight, I thought about it some more. And that’s when I realized how small those bathrooms are. They’re certainly not clean, you wouldn’t have much time, and the noise could be a problem – so what’s the fascination? Is it the logisitical challenge…or the risk?

“Is there ANYTHING ELSE I can do for you to make your flight more enjoyable?”

That’s right. The “Stewardess Sex Fantasy.” Something that all men experience at some point in their lives. Along with the teacher, the sportscaster, the weather girl, and yes, the librarian (all to be discussed in future posts.) Day dreaming of banging a smokin’ hot blonde stewardess in the back row of the plane has got to be one of the most tempting ways of passing the time between Los Angeles and New York.

And by the way, that “stewardess sex fantasy” picture looks real. And if it is, that means it’s not just the passengers that are horny. And that brings us to the TSA. Here’s the headline (click the link for the CBS news article):

CBS4 Investigation: TSA Screeners At DIA Manipulated System To Grope Men’s Genitals

“Is that a glock in your pants, are you signed up for our frequent flyer program?”

No, that’s not the actual photo, but as CBS reports, an alleged “gay male TSA screener” figured out that if he signaled his female TSA co-worker to trip the machine to go off and require a “pat down” when he saw male passengers that he found attractive entering the scanner, he could legally mix business with pleasure because the machine told him to do so. And while it sounds like something out of a prime time network comedy (I’m thinking “2 Broke Girls” or “Modern Family”,) in real life, we’re talking felony sex offenders for life. And probably some seriously intense cyber-bullying. Holy Shit!, here’s the follow up story with the actual names and identity of those “groping TSA screeners.” – time to pull down all those social media pages!

[EDITOR SIDE NOTE 4/22: Ty Spicha’s name will now become a new headline scandal name. Like Molly Shattuck, Tiger Woods, Eliot Spitzer, Monica Lewinsky, Anthony Weiner, and Mary Kay Letourneau. This list will keep growing and growing, with pitchforks raised in moral outrage.]

But airline lust doesn’t stop with the TSA or the stewardess.

Off-Duty Pilot Groped Girl, 14, On Delta Flight

That was the “Pilots Gone Wild” story last year (as can be read at The Smoking Gun). Clearly the off-duty pilot got a little too handsy with a minor, whom it sounds like he was flirting with before he gently cupped her butt with his hand. Not good, and certainly not worth all the repercussions. So why did he do it? What was the reason? What porn was he on?

So Is The Mile High Club, REAL?!

YES. It appears to be real. But you can’t just Google “stewardess having sex,” and then read fully detailed accounts and watch the whole video of it as it’s happening. C’mon, women are much more discreet than men about that stuff (even the woman that stayed out all night with the Wu Tang Clan knew how to properly discuss it in court. TRUE STORY! WATCH THE VIDEO).

Personally, I like the way this stewardess tries to sex it up for camera. She’s clearly not a professional, she’s dressed like a real stewardess on a real airplane, the picture is slightly out of focus – yep, this one looks real, too. So if these pictures are real, can we at least get some juicy stories? Hell yes, we can. Simply Google “mile high club,” click the link titled “http://www.milehighclub.com/tales/stories.html” and read confessions like this one:

I have never felt such a burning passion before.  I was crying with pleasure, I didn’t even know where i was or what i was doing.  I wasnt scared to be caught my mind was blank. He lifted my hips and got his erect penis inside me.  I was biting him.  He was kissing me.  He was moaning, pushing up and down so gently it drove me crazy.  I wanted to scream with passion but i couldn’t.  We were both sweating. No one has ever made me feel that way.  We both moaned so loud while we were cumming and i just thought that was the end of my job, that i will open my eyes and find a group of people staring but when i did there was was only my blue eyed man staring at me. Turning my world upside down in minutes…into a fairy tale….he pulled me down and said “Mile high club” I had no idea what that is so i smiled. He Then asked “Are you a member?” I looked at him confused when he told me “I think we should join”.

How about passenger on passenger S. E. X.?

Yes, but unfortunately it doesn’t always go as planned. Here’s a passenger whose fantasy went from an idea to a disaster. It’s really too bad it’s such a fine line. Could’ve been epic!

And if there’s that many guys having the same overly optimistic ideas, is that why so many disturbing news stories of sexual assault in the skies are getting reported? Is it because so many people are having these same “mile high club” pornographic fantasies – but the end result is a prime time news report of a sudden “Surge In Sexual Assaults On Airplanes?” Isn’t this a lot like the Teacher/Student sex fantasies, where the teachers are sent to jail for acting out on what otherwise seemed like a pretty kick ass idea?

With all of this going on, from the TSA in the terminal, the passenger sitting in the seat, the stewardess roaming the aisle, and the pilot in the cockpit, it sounds like everyone’s pretty horny out there. Even “Hooters Air” tried to take off because a captive audience seems to be a horny audience!

People ARE horny and they want to get their freak on. Desire starts early, it never seems to end, and oftentimes it happens in the work place. That’s where we spend a majority of our lives and the people around us are having similar thoughts. But the lesson is – if you’re actually going to act on your fantasies, stay safe, stay off camera, show compassion, and make sure it’s consensual. Don’t be like creepy TSA Rob Lowe. Get cable.

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